If you could change just one thing about your teen...

If I asked you, "If you could change just one thing about your teen, what would it be?"—what's the first thing that comes to mind?

Maybe it’s their attitude. The eye-rolls, the sarcastic tone, the defensiveness. Imagine how much smoother things would be if they were just a little more respectful.
And sure, more respect might lead to fewer arguments, more cooperation, and a calmer home.

But let’s be honest: changing their attitude alone wouldn’t fix what’s underneath—the triggers, the emotions they don’t know how to manage, or the beliefs they’ve picked up that make them feel like you’re “against them.” So, even with a better tone… the root struggle would still show up in other ways.

Okay, what about their motivation?

If you could flip a switch and suddenly your teen cared deeply about school, chores, responsibilities, their future—you’d probably do it in a heartbeat. Less nagging, more initiative, a real sense of relief.
But motivation doesn’t just appear out of thin air. It’s deeply connected to meaning, identity, confidence, and expectation—and if those foundations aren’t in place, your teen will still struggle to follow through. Even if they want to.

So maybe the best thing to change is your teen’s self-awareness. If they could just see the impact of their choices, understand what’s fueling their emotions, and notice when they’re spiraling... it would change everything, right?

Almost.

Because even self-aware teens can still make choices that leave us scratching our heads—especially when their environment, peer pressure, or emotional overwhelm short-circuits their better judgment.

See the pattern?

Each of these changes—attitude, motivation, self-awareness—is powerful. And worth nurturing.
But none of them are single fixes. They don’t work like software updates. You can’t install a “respect patch” or a “better effort plugin.”

If there’s one lever that affects all the others, it’s this:

How your teen thinks.

Their thinking determines how they see you, how they see themselves, and how they make sense of the world.

You can’t force them to think differently. But you can shape the environment that helps better thinking grow.

When your teen learns how to:

• Reflect before reacting

• Question their assumptions

• Understand nuance

• Weigh the consequences

• View challenges as opportunities

• Notice their internal narrative

…they don’t just act “better”—they become more capable.

It’s like this: imagine your teen is standing in front of a broken vending machine. They keep hitting the same button, expecting a different result. They’re frustrated. You’re frustrated.

You could yell. You could try fixing the machine yourself. Or—you could help them see what’s going on… guide them to think differently about the machine, the situation, and their options.

And that’s where real transformation happens. Because when thinking changes, behavior follows.
Every. Single. Time.

Helping teens grow their thinking isn’t about lecturing. It’s not about telling them what to believe. It’s about helping them ask better questions, see beyond the surface, and find their own clarity.

So here’s the takeaway:

If you want to change just one thing about your teen—
Change how you teach them to think.

Help them build the tools that shape all the other traits you wish you could "fix."
You’ll be amazed at how much changes… without needing a magic wish.

👉 Next week’s post will dive deep into critical thinking for teens—how to build it, how not to sabotage it, and how to model it yourself.

Keep an eye out. You won’t want to miss it.

With care,
Tristan